Authors Note - Hey all I just wanted to say sorry about the time that it took for me to update, I had college mid-terms to contend with and they demanded my full and utmost attention :(. Well I want to once again thank Sam softpaw for editing and doing a wonderful job at that :). As always I want to thank those that fav/watch/and vote, and especially all yall that comment :). This story contains gay themes, you should know this by know.
So there I stood, in front of a little over 100 furs about to bare my soul to Luke and I could barely breathe. The weight of my emotions and the stress of the stage that I loved so dearly threatened to overwhelm me completely.
"Animal, by the Neon Trees. Please," I said this quietly in my mic as I turned Luke around with my spare paw. He was completely ridged. At least it made him easy to move, it seemed he was too scared to move on his own power, not even with enough strength in his legs to run off-stage. Thank god, or whatever deity there is out there for that. I noticed a person from the group of experienced singers was walking to the stage and it was then I realized you simply cannot properly sing 'Animal' without at least 3 vocalists. I couldn't believe Orange Cat and this new fur were going to help me out. There weren't enough words in all the world for me to fully express my gratitude towards the lion and coyote standing behind me, so I settled with mouthing the words 'thank you' to them. At that point I was so scared I couldn't even manage a whisper. I nodded to Jerry and the music started.
"Here we go again," I sang tentatively into the hot mic. At the same time I used the paw that I had turned the pose able Luke towards me with to grab a hold of his maw and force him to look me in the eyes, "I wanna be more than friends." I released his maw and he broke eye contact to look down and blush rather heavily. "So take it easy on me, I'm afraid you're never satisfied." I turned so my back was facing him and I leaned into back into his chest, the feeling of his breath on the back of my neck sending little jolts of electricity through my spine.
"Here we go again," I am able to sing with more confidence, I had to make sure he not only heard the words I was singing but I wanted him to feel the raw emotional power they held for me. "We're sick like animals, we play pretend," it's hard to not notice how perfect the words were at this moment. ESPECIALLY the word pretend, that was all I had ever done. Pretend. Pretend I didn't like Luke, and pretend I wasn't gay, and pretend that everything was just fine and dandy. Pretend, pretend, pretend. I wanted to spit on myself for how weak I was the utter flakiness of my life was enough to make me sick. Instead I found power on stage and used it to force all the remaining walls around my heart down. Onstage, I think you could actually hear the walls crashing down. You could definitely tell the difference in my voice, I went from sounding as scared as I felt to expressing my desperate attempt to make Luke understand my feelings.
"You're just a cannibal, and I'm afraid I won't get out alive," Luke flinched when I sang that, I guess any mention of life or death situations made him nervous, with me around I could understand why. "No I won't sleep tonight, uh-oh I want some more, uh-oh what are you waiting for, take a bite of my heart tonight, uh-oh I want some more, uh-oh what are you waiting for, what are you waiting for, take a bite of my heart tonight," as I sang I leaned my head a little to the side, exposing my neck and shoulder to him. The place a mating bite is placed at, the significance of being mates, which is the message I wanted him to understand. That I was willing to go that far for him, that I wanted just a single chance to prove to Luke that I wanted a deep and meaningful relationship with him. I just hope I could get that message across. I honestly didn't even notice the two furs behind us, helping me out with echoes and harmonies, but I'm glad they were there giving me their full support.
"Here we are again, I feel the chemicals kickin' in," I turned to face him, hoping he would look me in the eyes, hoping he would receive the message I was so vehemently trying to convey. The adrenalin now pumping through my body making me unable to control my emotions even if I wanted to, "its gettin' heavy, and I want to run and hide, I want to run and hide." It was true; I wanted to run from him, run like he was one of my problems, but he wasn't a problem. He is the man I am falling for. I got angry at myself for wanting to run and I had to clench my free fist to keep it from shaking in rage at myself. "I do it every time, you're killing me now," my voice was rising steadily to keep it from shaking as I sang this, I was so mad at myself. Never again, never again will I run from a problem. I will face it head on, no matter how damaging and I am starting with this, here and now. I want Luke to know how much I need him, not want him, I need him. I am now practically yelling at Luke with tears slowly forming in the corners of my eyes, "and I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you." I can't get Luke to look at me, why he won't look at me and see the pain I feel without him. My emotions for him are eating me alive only he can cure it, even if it means him eating my heart out of my very chest.
"Uh-oh I want some more, uh-oh what are you waiting for, take a bite of my heart tonight, uh-oh I want some more, uh-oh what are you waiting for, what are you waiting for, take a bite of my heart tonight," the tears forming in the corners of my eyes are now a steady stream as he won't reciprocate my feelings. I just want him to look me in the eyes and feel the message, feel the love. I suddenly get a bolt of terror, what if I went too far? I probably should stop and leave before I make this worse. No. I refuse to run any longer, I will see this through so I force my way through the terror of the situation and through my tears I see him look up at me. Not in my eyes but it's a start. He looks like he's about to say something but right at this moment I just want him to listen and take in what I'm singing, so I put my index finger to his lips and sing, "hush, hush the world is quiet, hush, hush, we both can't fight it, it's us that made this mess, why can't you understand," why couldn't he understand my feelings for him? Why won't he look me in the eyes? I need to press forward; I need to prove my feelings to him but how? Suddenly an idea hits me. A risky one but my only one. "Whoa I won't sleep tonight," I sang this and tapered off hearing Orange Cat start his 'I won't sleep tonight' I lift Luke's chin lightly and lean in and plant the softest, most electrifying kiss, I think the world has ever known.
Luke does not reciprocate. On the other hand he doesn't pull away either. I'm about to break down when he stops looking at me altogether and looks down, a new and violent vortex of emotions playing across his face and body. I said earlier that one of my favourite qualities in Luke was that he wore his feelings on his sleeves, in the open. Right now there were so many emotions wracking his body he would need a whole outfit, shirt, pants, shoes, and undergarments. Still that would not be enough to watch his mind play out on his clothing. Instead of trying to pick apart his emotions I really do break down. I was crying earlier but now I am completely sobbing, barely managing to keep my voice steady enough to sing. If anything else I will at least finish the song.
"Here we again, uh-oh I want some more, uh-oh what are you waiting for, take a bite of my heart tonight, uh-oh I want some more, uh-oh what are you waiting for, what are you waiting for, what are you waiting," what was he waiting for? Do something. Anything. Hit me, kiss me, have a reaction any reaction because not knowing is starting to make me physically dizzy. I'm already broken down, sobbing bearing my heart to the world at large and he can't even look at me to make a decision. Amidst the final chorus of 'here we go again's', 'uh-oh's', 'what are you waiting for's' and other repeated lyrics that were previously in the song regurgitated in rounds between us three furs singing Luke looks at me. A decision. The song comes to a close and my heart is racing faster than it ever has in my entire life, about to burst from my chest and I can't read him. The man with emotional clothing has a decision and I can't see what it is through the tears matting my fur and blurring my vision. Damn me and these tears. The music dies down and the crowd gives a standing ovation. I couldn't care less. The only person who matters in the entire world is the one that's leaning in to me and stating a one word answer that my entire world hinges on.
"No." That is all Luke said before turning and running out of the bar.