by
Kyler The Umbreon
23 Feb 2011





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Posted 23 Feb 2011 15:03
Last edited 19 Dec 2011 21:39
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Loves Embrace (Chapter Three)

#12 of Saj

                                                Loves Embrace

                                                Chapter Three

                                               Time to Prepare

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Okay here's my newest upload. This month has been hectic, or difficult don't know which one and I suck at spelling. First was Valintines day. Spent it alone as usual. I slept and played 360. Then my friend Enigma Eevee left which was sad. Then friend and family things which has me think this month was bad.

There was some positive stuff too. I got a Ipod Touch, some family things got resolved, and lets see.....Oh its my birthday today. Febuary 23'd. I'm 18.

Okay there are Italics and "Italics"

The Italics are thoughts.

The "Italics" are Telepathy. His ability to speak with his mind.

With that said hope you enjoy the chapter, criticize, or give me some advice. Any kind of feedback can help me get better. Thanks.

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Kyler stops and looks up at the sky. Fluffy white clouds dotted it from horizon to horizon. He yawns shaking his head. His back hurt and his paws ached from hours of walking.

"Tired buddy?"

Groggily blinking he looks back at Diane and nods.

"Yes."

Diane smiles and plucks a Pokeball from her belt and aims it at him. A red light shoots out and he feels Petals pleasent yet encumbering weight disappear from his back and the light retreats back into the ball. Placing Petals ball back on her belt she plucks his and aims it at him.

"Wait."

She lowers it slightly.

"What is it buddy?"

"What are you going to tell everyone when we get back?"

"I'll think of something, and don't worry me or Ry won't mention anything to Alex."

He sleepily nods. He could feel sleep overcome his exchausted body. Yawning he lies down on his stomach closing his eyes.

"Can you please put me next to Petal."

He feels Diane rub his back causing him to purr contentedly and sleppilly lower his ears. Suddenly a warm feeling spreads, washes over him lulling him into a deep slumber.

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He feels the warm feeling reside and opens his eyes. It was dark yet with just enough light to see. Suddenly everything becomes illuminated with a bright light and he raises his head. It was a room, a bedroom by the looks of it. There was a closed door facing him. A few feet away to the left was a desk with a lamp and a computer on it with a bin of papers next to it. He blinks and looks to the right. A large dresser with a famiar blue coat hanging on one of it corners. The suns warm rays were shining through an opened window into the room. The floor was a dark brown carpet.

"Are you feeling okay buddy?"

Blinking he looks further to his right. Diane was sitting on the bed looking at him her face friendly and sincere as usual. Groggily he nods and stands up. His weight shifts underneath him and he looks down. He is standing on a rather large bed. His fur blending in perfectly with the blanket.

"Hmmm..........Where are we?"

He glances behind him. Petal was lying behind him. She yawns and opens her eyes. Smiling he walks over carefully and licks her face.

"We're here Petal."

She looks up at him then looks around.

"This is your den?"

Shaking his head he lies down licking her face again.

"No this is a friends house or den as you called it. Mine is miles away we will see it tomarrow."

She looks up at him lowering a ear in puzzlement.

"House?"

"It's a human den. Its that same thing except bigger and more comfortable."

"Oh."

She smiles wagging her leaflike tail. She leans up kissing him on the lips after a few moments she pulls away smiling cutely.

"I always wanted a big comforable den."

"Well don't expect ours to be either."

He looks over at Diane who smiles.

"Why not?" Petal asks fer voice filled with puzzlement.

Looking over at Petal he licks her cheek.

"Ours wasn't alwasy big or really comfortable but its home."

"Its two bedrooms, one bath and a kitchen. Nothing else, dad never made much money and being a nurse doesn't make you much but we got by just fine."

Diane smiles and leans over rubbing Petals head, she thens rubs his head ruffling his head fur. Lowering his ears he leans into the treatment.

"You like it when I gave you attention don't ya buddy."

He murrs, looking up he licks the palm of her hand as she stops. She smiles pulling her hand away.

"You haven't done that since you were a cute little eevee."

"Why you don't like it?"

She smiles shaking her head.

"No actually I like it; I haven't seen you like this since before you evolved. I always preferred the playfull energetic fluff ball of a Pokemon I had. Then the serious, over cautious, kill joy of an Umbreon."

"Really? He wasn't any fun."

He looks over at Petal.

"Nope, all work and no play, except with Alex and Ry when they were little."

"Oh I wonder what changed him."

She looks over at him and smiles wagging her tail. Diane chuckles a little and looks at him.

"Ya I wonder what changed him."

Smiling he wags his tail. He looks over at Petal and licks her cheek affectionately.

"It was a beautiful Leafeon named Petal."

Suddenly something in his mind sparks and he sits up looking over at the door.

"What is it?"

He continues looking at the door.

"I just reliazed we're at Richie's. Mich, Evy, everyone is here."

He starts breathing heavily and looks over at Diane.

"Are they....Are they?"

Shaking her head she stands up.

"No. They know we're back and Evy is somewhat anxious to meet you. No one knows about Petal. Ry and I told them you still need some time alone."

"What about Mich?"

She looks down shaking her head.

"He left when Evy asked about you."

Looking down he sighs.

Mich still hates me. I really hope he will listen to me after what I did.

"Um....I don't really know who you're talking about."

He looks up over at Petal.

"Oh ya you don't know about Me, Evy and Mich."

She shakes her head.

"I, Evy and Mich were cub hood friends. We've been best friends ever since we met. We did everything together. Evy was an Eevee like me and Mich was a Pikachu. Our trainers were students at the Jubilife Trainer School and were friends."

She smiles.

"Sounds nice."

He looks down letting out a deep sigh.

"It was until I ruined it three years ago."

"What happened?"

"Over time I developed feelings for Evy and Mich knew. Mich tried to help me ask her out but I was too afraid to ask or do anything, I started getting annoyed about his advice. At Graduation, he again offered his advice and I didn't listen. He used a Tail Whip to snap me out of thought but it cut my face."

She shakes her head.

"Well it sounds as if it was Michs fault."

"No I did something worse. I attacked him, plain out attacked him. I got so caught up in making him pay for the small cut I tried to kill him. Diane stopped me though and I'm thankful of that. Diane and Michs trainer Zach stopped being freinds and I lost one of my best friends."

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"I was when I found out. Then I wanted to tell him I was sorry and be friends again. I still harbored feelings for Evy and when we came back I wanted to see her again. But last night I found out that they became mates and had a little Eevee of their own. It felt horrible."

"Do you still care for her?"

He looks up at her tilting his ear to the side.

"What?"

"Do you still love her?"

"I... uh.... I..."

"It's okay if you do I understand. It was last night after all. I won't be upset if you still care for her since she was your cub hood crush."

He blinks staring at her.

Was she serious? She didn't mind at all, what kind of female was she?

"Are.... Are you sure?"

She smiles and licks his nose.

"Of course I'm not like all the other females."

He feels his heart swell with joy as he leans over and kisses her. After a few moments he pulls away looking deep into her soft brown eyes.

"Thank you."

She smiles and presses her forhead against his closing her eyes. He closes his eyes.

"You're welcome, and don't worry about paying me back. You will later."

He opens one eye.

"Are you usually like this or what?"

She chuckles and he feels her tail tickle his stomach.

"No I just like getting something back."

"Ahem. I should stop you two now before I have to clean Richies sheets."

Looking up he blushes.

"Sorry about that."

Diane smiles and runs a hand through her hair.

"I don't mind just don't do it where we have to sleep tonight, or anywhere Richie might be upset about. If you two want to fuck then go into the forest or someplace decent."

He blushes deeper this time.

"I...uh..."

Diane opens one eye looking down at him smiling micheaviously.

"What I can't say fuck, or sex, or anything that you and Petal do togather. I've already seen you two going at it, and that you still have cum on you."

He stares up at her.

"Huh?"

"Look down."

He rolls over looking down at his crotch. His fur was matted and had a lighter coloring then the rest of his fur. The cum covered fur glistened slightly as the sun's rays hit it.

"Oh.... I."

"That why I'm going to get you two cleaned up before we see everyone. I don't want them to know you've been sex lately."

He looks up at her nodding.

If Evy or anyone saw me like this then....then....

He shakes his head.

I can't think of what they'd do.

Taking a deep breath he looks over at Petal.

"Ready for a bath?"

She nods.

Standing up he walks over to the edge of the bed and jumps off. Once on the ground he streches his legs and looks up at Diane.

"Wheres the bathroom?"

Turning around she walks over to a door next to the bed.

"Luckily Richie had a sense of decency so he had this place built with a bathroom per bedroom, and their connected too so thats even better."

Petal jumps down in front of him and walks towards Diane swinging her hips attractivley. He watches as Diane opens the door and Petal walks through not once looking back at him.

By later she might mean.......

He shakes his head.

"No she can't be that horny....."

"Hey buddy are you going to stand there all day?"

Blinking he looks up.

"Uh....right coming."

Walking towards the bathroom he sighs. He walks past Diane. The floor changes from warm fuzzy carpet to cold slick tile. He looks around; it seemed like a regular bathroom. A toliet, shower, a sink, and a towel rack.

"Whats this room?"

Looking over at Petal he walks over and sits beside her. Her curiousity was kind of cute.

"It's called a bathroom. Humans clean themselfs and otherthings in here."

"What about that?" She motions to the toliet.

"Thats the human equivalent to a bush."

"Oh."

He looks at her. Her face deep red from blushing.

"Ya just don't drink from it."

"Okay. What about everything else?"

Getting up he walks over to the towel rack and sits down underneath it.

"This is a towel rack. Humans hang these things called towels on it so they have them when they need them."

She tilts her head to the side.

"Towels?"

"They're things humans use to dry themselfs off with since they don't have fur. They also use them on Pokemon after they give us a bath."

"They lick you?"

Smiling he shakes his head.

"No they wash us with water from a show or bathtub. Its kind of like getting washed with a Water Gun or jumping into a pond."

"Oh okay."

He nods.

"Is there anything else?"

"No not really."

She walks over and sits next to him.

"It' nice having a smart mate. I don't know anything about humans, can you teach me about them?"

Leaning over he licks her cheek then smiles.

"Of course I will."

"Well then shall we get you two ready."

Looking up at Diane he nods. Turning around he jumps into the shower and sits down. It was pretty big for a shower. It felt like a large bathtub but with a shower head.

This thing could fit a Rhydon or two in here.

He watches as Petal jumps in and sits down facing him.

"Okay you two ready?"

He yips and wags his tail.

A nice hot bath would sound nice about now.

Diane turns around and shuts the door and locks it. Then turning around she starts taking off her shoes setting them next to the door. Then she takes off her sock stuffing them inside her shoes. Then she starts to take her shirt off.

"Uh what are you doing?"

She takes off her shirt setting it on the counter. He blushes deeply as she then reaches behind her taking off her bra then sets it on top of her shirt. She had undressed while giving him a bath when he was younger since he would splash around, but she stopped after he evolved. Taking off her pants she folds them and puts them on top of her other clothes.

"Maybe you should stop there."

She looks up at him then shakes her head.

"Sorry buddy but I didn't get a chance to bath either. So we're all having a bath at the same time."

He looks at Petal.

"Um... she doesn't usually..."

"I don't mind."

He feels his jaw drop.

What!? She didn't mind? What kinda female is she?

"I had to bath with my whole family before. Me, mom, dad, and my three brothers. So it's kind of natural to me that we bath togather."

He blinks.

"Are you serious?"

"Yes. We always bathed togather it's how mom and dad kept us safe from humans and other pokemon."

"So you two ready for a bath?"

He looks up as Diane reaches over turning the knobs to the bathtub. She was completly naked causing him to blush and look down closing his eyes. Suddenly his paws feel warm and wet. He opens his eyes watching as the water steadily rises envoloping his paws, then his lower region and continues up. Sighing he relaxes. The water gets hotter and hotter until he could barely tolerate it. It stops at his shoulders. He feels the water rise and feels Diane lay down beside him and sighs deeply.

"This feels good right buddy?"

He purrs and lowers himself into the hot water till it was neck height.

"Are you purring?"

"Yes."

"I thought so. How are you feeling Petal, it's not to hot is it?"

He opens an eye and looks at Petal. She was blushing deeply with a heavenly look on her face.

"It feels fine, a little warm but fine."

"Good, now let's get you two cleaned up. Up buddy."

Raising himself he feels Diane scratch him between the ears and sighs. He feels something cold touch the back of his head and she starts to rub his head and back causing him to purr louder. Her hands move up and down his back rubbing every ounce of fatigue in his body. She then starts rubbing his sides tickling him a little then moves to his chest. Her hand touches the middle of his chest, a sharp stab of pain causes him to cringe and whimper.

"Oh sorry buddy I didn't mean to hurt you. Shit. I forgot to give you your medicine earlier."

"It's.... it's okay. I'm fine."

"What's wrong?"

He cringes slightly as the pain slowly resides.

"He was in a battle and a blow cracked a rib puncturing one of his lungs. I have to give him some medicine to stave off infection and some painkillers. I have to give him the medicine once a day before he goes to sleep; they work better when his body is repairing the damage while he sleeps. I didn't give them to him yesterday before he ran off."

"Will he be alright?"

"Yes. I just need to give him some painkillers when we get out. So he won't be in pain later today. I'm finished buddy sorry for hurting you."

He shakes his head.

"No, it's not your fault. I fine. Go and clean Petal."

He feels her hand on his head lightly scratching him before leaving.

Fuck that hurt. Maybe if I lower myself the water might make me feel better.

Taking a deep breath he lowers his body into the hot water. His chest stings a bit and then feels his muscles relax. He lowers more of his body until he feels the water against his chin. Sighing deeply he feels the hot water washing away his pain and weariness.

"There now to wash you off."

He opens his eyes blinking. Diane cups her hands and puts them in the water. Lifting her hands she seperates them water falling on Petal's head washing away the soap down her neck down into the water where it made small foamy white bubbles. Diane repeats washing the soap of Petal several more times until all the soap formed around her in a foamy white prison.

"Now you buddy."

He closes his eyes as he feels Diane pour the hot water over him. He feels it cascade over his head washing the soap down his neck, and his face. She repeats it several more times washing all the soap off his head.

"There I think we're done."

"What about you?"

"I don't have to be in front of a group later today."

He smirks and swishes his tail at her.

"Hey!"

"You still need to look decent Diane Belreen Joy."

Suddenly she grabs his ear twisting it slightly causing him to whimper.

"Is that so Kyler Eeveeonis Joy"

"What are you two talking about I can't hear him."

Opening his eyes he looks at Petal. Her head was tilted to the side one ear lowered. He closes his eyes and concentrates.

"I can use Telepathy. I can talk with my mind, all dark types can."

"Wh- you can do that?"

"Yes. All dark and Physics can, although dark types have a harder time. It demands total concentration so we must remain totally still to do it. Physics can do it while doing other stuff so they think they're all high and mighty since they can multitask."

"Oh I see. Can I do it?"

"Um....."

Can she really do it? He never heard of a non dark or non physic Pokemon being able to use Telepathy. Maybe it was him being the opposite of a physic that made him able to. If he evolved into anything else he probably wouldn't be able to use it.

"I don't think you can. If you were an Umbreon or a Espeon then you could do it. But other than that I think it's impossible for you to learn how to do it."

"Oh."

"What wrong?"

"I just wanted to talk to you like you're talking to me right now."

"Sorry. I think I know why. Would it be 'special' talk?"

He hears her giggle slightly.

"Yes."

"What are you two talking about? Wait never mind I don't what to know."

"Suit yourself Diane."

"Why did Diane call you Kyler Eeveeonis Joy?"

He groans submerging his head in the water.

"Thats his full name, mom and dad thought to give him a full name so we did. I thought out his middle name. I use it to embarress him or when he does something wrong."

Shit I forgot my ears.

"Oh thats cute. Do I get one?"

"Well if you want. Only Kyler has a full name but I rarely use it. Do you want one?"

"Yes please."

"Okay. Petal something Joy. What should we use for a middle name. Something cute."

"How about Leafeis?"

"Hmm Petal Leafeis Joy....I like it. Do you like it?"

"I love it. Makes me feel like a real part of the family."

"Everyone in the group is family. So shall we get dried off and meet them."

"Okay. Coming sweetie?"

Raising his head he shakes himself and opens his eyes. Diane stands up and steps out of the bathtub. Kneeling down she pulls the plug and he watches as the cold foamy water swirls down the drain. Standing up he shakes himself and feels something cover him rubbing his fur dry. He feels Diane rub his back and underside dry. Then she starts rubbing his legs and head before lightly rubbing his chest. A small bit of pain shoots through his body. Biting his lip he stands still enduring it.

After a few minutes her hands and the towel move away and he stretches. He looks over watching as Diane dried of Petal. Diane had put a towel on covering her upper torso down to her knees. After a few minutes Diane stops and stands up.

"Well shall we get dressed then?"

He looks up at her. She smiles looking down at him her eyes shining slightly. It was familiar.

She's up to something. I know it.

He watches as she turns around reaching into her bag pulling out a brush and scissors. She turns around holding both items in her hands.

"So shall we get started?"

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darkdragon33 3 years ago 0
Nice, as always.

And Happy birthday! Welcome to the 18 and Up Club! Here's your birthday cookie and some tunes for us to jam to. d^.^)b
Kyler The Umbreon 3 years ago 0
Thank you!
strikeforce4 3 years ago 0
damit im 15 goin on 16 almost there damnit i feel like a kid NOO but good story man love it
ShadyDANIEL 3 years ago 0
Nice. I liked it, an I loved the part where te entire time he's embearessed.5/5
DAUNTEDSUPERIER 3 years ago 0
Awsome chapter, I love this series, 5/5, oh and happy birthday sorry if its a bit late, but better late than never.
Kyler The Umbreon 3 years ago 0
Thanks, I'm glad you love the story. Plus that is one of my favorite phrases of all times.
punnisher199 3 years ago 0
being a nurse pays good 50k plus a year possibly 100k depending on where you get a job and your level of nursing ( CNA- certified nursing assistant, LPN- licensed practical nurse, and RN- registered nurse).
punnisher199 3 years ago 0
oh and happy late B-day
Kyler The Umbreon 3 years ago 0
Oh I didn't know that, I always thought nurses didn't get paid a lot my bad.

Thanks.
punnisher199 3 years ago 0
well my moms a nurse and even though I was in iraq at 18 sniping i still remember
Umbro/Quil 3 years ago 0
Loved this chapter, esp. the bathing scene. Great job man.
Ein Scorpio 3 years ago 0
Heh, don't worry Kyler, I am not completely gone; I still linger around every now and then.

As for the chapter: great job as always and I will look forward to reading the next one. 5/5 definitely and of course a fave.

Until we meet again
DarknessDraco 2 years ago 0
i love it keep going
Arcane Reno 2 years ago 0
Well, I know it's a bit late coming, but I finally got a chance to take a mosey through your later works. I focused primarily on the later chapters, skimming a bit over the earlier ones to keep myself apprised of what was happening, but perused the more recent stuff more closely to determine how you've progressed.

In general, there's been a lot of improvement over the course of this series, stronger definition of characters, better idea of what's happening in the setting, more organized progression of events, etc.

One of the things I noticed as particularly strong were your dialogue segments, and the fact that you used thoughts to indicate the character's emotions. Example: In the latter half of the bathing scene, where they're discussing the names. I think you can continue to improve in this region by bringing out the emotions even more. For instance, you talk about how Kyler feels good when he gets dunked in the hot water. This kind of thing could be expanded with metaphors or mini anecdotes of an extremely personal nature to the character ("The heat pulsed through his body like a second heartbeat, soothing away the stress and aches of the day. It was almost like an embrace, a reminder of being held safe by his mother, all those years ago...") etc. etc.

As I mentioned earlier, I noticed you're expanding your description of the surroundings quite a bit. Now, this is a good thing, but I would suggest trying to spread it out a bit more, whenever possible. A paragraph of nothing but description is fine, but establishing a rhythm with your prose is probably going to help you flow along more smoothly. More importantly, try to provide a reason for the description to be there, rather than just to provide background. This can be done by "zooming in" and tying it once more to character. You want to tell us the room is painted green? Give the character an idle thought about when that room was painted, or perhaps a comment about how hideous that particular shade strikes him as (or lovely, as the case may be, all depending on their individual outlook.)

As far as the nuts and bolts prose is concerned, there's not a lot of issues. I could talk about the present tense use, but honestly that's more of a personal preference thing. In general, it cobbles together with no major issues other than the odd spelling error. That said, there is an issue with the general presentation of that prose, namely in the way it's broken up. I noticed a lot of run-on or oddly clipped sentences, which a few commas would have gone a long way towards improving.

Example:

"Lifting her hands she seperates them water falling on Petal's head washing away the soap down her neck down into the water where it made small foamy white bubbles."

Is a large mouthful for a single breath. Try reading things aloud, or at least in your head, to get a feel for where the pauses should be.


Also, in the dialogue segments, I noticed that most of the lines were separated from their conjoined actions. Whenever you're writing dialogue, you only need to make a new paragraph when the subject of that dialogue paragraph changes, which includes any related actions that subject may perform.

Example:

She walks over and sits next to him.

"It' nice having a smart mate. I don't know anything about humans, can you teach me about them?"

Leaning over he licks her cheek then smiles.

"Of course I will."

Converts to:

She walks over and sits next to him. "It's nice having a smart mate. I don't know anything about humans, can you teach me about them?"

Leaning over he licks her cheek then smiles. "Of course I will."


Anyhow, that's about it. Hope this helps, and more importantly helps you get your drive back. As for the other problem you mentioned, I'm afraid I can't really offer you any advice on that one, save just do it. :P That is, grab a story that interests you, and start reading. If it's a good story, it will pull you in and it won't feel like work to read it. It could possibly even help inspire your muse to start whispering in your ear once more. Also, don't take my criticisms harshly, please. That's not the point. The point is to give you ideas on where to improve, not to discourage your efforts in any way. Ultimately, writing is something you do for fun, and that's the thing that should always come first. Improving your skills is only an added bonus.

Good luck.


Rating:

Story/Plot: 3/5
Characters/Dilogue: 4/5
Scenery/Points of interest: 3/5
Technical: 3/5

Overall: 3/5




Kyler The Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Thank you Mysterydude.

I was never a 'decent' english student nor could understand any of it. Actually all my English teachers hated me.

Okay, so I need more detail on the characters, the actions, the enviorment and ect.

I got my muse back, thanks to MasterG. Now just need to get back to work, and fix my labtop.

Once again, Thank you Mysterydude.

Oh I forgot to ask, but what about the yiff scenes,do they need to be improved?
DarkUmbreon99 2 years ago 0
I only have one real question for you: how many chapters do you plan and/or think you might have for this second part?

And, i enjoyed the mystery of the stalker while it lasted, and wasn't disappointed on your choice either. Leafeon and umbreon aren't the most chosen couple, i have to agree with that. Although, one day i want to see an Umbreon with a Flareon or Vaporeon... havn't seen one of those.

Anywho... Good characters and i hope you have as much as a good time writing as we do reading...
Kyler The Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Well, my writing style for this story seems one to three chapters per day. (Story days) I still have many things in the plot to deal with.

Yes a Umbreon and Leafeon couple are uncommon. I chose them cause Umbreons are awesome, and Leafeons are beautiful, and they are my two favorites.

I do.
snallel 2 years ago 0
more?
snallel 2 years ago 0
uggg i love it but it is rather annoying that i cant stop reading it.... oh well ima read it again..... time number 11...... i cant stop...woot..... more sex scences pleass
snallel 2 years ago 0
^ heheehe i was drunk :( ( trying to kick the habit ) ok ok this is most likely just me but i say the story needs a sex scene with rick and Tiri and one with spark and vula
Eluno 2 years ago 0
Kyler = AMAZING BEYOND ALL BELIEF
Skye Meteors 2 years ago 0
Everyday I'm looking back, to see if the next chapter is here. Big fan of your writing, pal. You do a great job of keeping your people reading. I could do a few spell-checks for you, for free on your next one if you need someone to. I've been called a.... grammar perfect several times in my life. Although I am not perfect in grammar, I have a slight case of OCD in your writing when i see some of the typos, e.g. Urasing is actually Ursaring. It was fixed it a couple of times and then you went back to Urasing.
Anyways, great story, i hope to see more soon. Would you mind if i put my character into a side-story for this one? Because i have a few plans that I think would work really well in connecting some of the dots in your story, too.

Four stars, you lost one because of the typos... Sorry about that, but It would be a false rating if I didn't count that.
Kyler The Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Heh heh, four stars is better then nothing.

I'm atleast glad you were honest about it. I'm a grammar failure.

I am interested about this side story of your. Please let me hear it.
Skye Meteors 2 years ago 0
Well, I already have some parts posted, I'm working on the last part, big change in this one. From just saying i moved closer to get a better look, or things like that to make it feel like you weren't over in the house anymore, I'm actually kinda bringing her in. Oh and by the way, I abused the crap out of the time you skipped in the Ursaring battle.
+ You said you dodged a swift attack. Which is... Impossible without some kind of altercation. So that made it easier on me to write.
Skye Meteors 2 years ago 0
Oh, And i totally didn't toy around with Petal 'talking to her conscious.' Just sayin'. Kidding, It worked out really well though. I mean, it makes more sense to have someone toying with her than.. talking to herself.
Edit;
Lucky you, i missed the fourth star and hit the fifth.
Shadow the Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Ummm I don't know what to say. Everything that I wanna say has already been said. But you inspired me to write a Pokemon story. Ts a little grim at first but will evolve into what I hope becomes something like this. I had given up on my dream of writing, but you brought it back. Thank you!
P.S I'm trying to upload my story, but I click the save button and it just stays there. Any help with that?
Kyler The Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Well thanks, it's nice to hear someone say that.

As for the problem with the uploading, all I can say is keep trying until it works, I never was any good with tech. But it should work at some point.
Shadow the Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Thanks XD
Shoopdahoop 2 years ago 0
Haha you said "physics" in the place of "psychics". College on your mind much?
Btw when are you gonna make more?
Kyler The Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Well technicly I'm nolonger in Collage, it was a one semester deal. They didn't have ANY classes I wanted, or they were in other nearby towns. I will go to collage, for Game Design or something related to it.

I have the next part, but it's rather short and on pause, I forgot about it due to the summer, and my relationship. I will get back to it when I can.
lionprince42 2 years ago 0
Can't wait to read more Kyler. A little bit iffy in my mind on some parts but i'm not complaining, over all it's a great story.
Kyler The Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Thanks. Although I am curious on the iffy parts, if you could please explain what parts I can try to avoid anymore in the future.
lionprince42 2 years ago 0
What bugged me was Kyler and Petal meeting and almost imediately jumping into the sex. I think it could have been drawn out a bit more. That and that it was so soon after he was upset over Evy.
Kyler The Umbreon 2 years ago 0
Oh ya that part. In truth I planned it do go very differently but I kept typing away and that was the result. I still feel it was a little forward and rushed. But practice makes perfect right?
lionprince42 2 years ago 0
Yup. One of the problems I have is that when i get to working on a story, i kinda zone out. I rarely plan out anything in a story and sometimes things come out rushed or they just don't quite make sense so I understand how that is. Like I said before though, it's still a great story.
rater435 2 years ago 0
No way....your birthday is one day after mine!
KairoTheDragon 2 years ago 0
oh grooming time :) that could get interesting....:P
kichi soma 2 years ago 0
great story cant wait for the next part