This is sort of a preface to the connection stories. Which, will go in two directions. One being reality, and one being non reality, because as I get closer to passing out each night, I usually begin to start having vivid day dreams while still in my awake state. Since the stories are about myself and the things i've done related to this love affair, they'll probably randomly go back and forth between real and dreams depending on my mood.
It was 4 a.m. I found myself laying there, wondering what i was going to do with myself. The love of my life was finally back in town and yet I had said nothing to him of our romantic inclinations. Gestures of a multi year period that take a simple close friendship and make it so much more. I watched him sleep peacefully while running over the things I intended on saying in my head while singing to one of my favorite songs.
It takes a lot for me to be able to sit here and not want to wake him up. I'd waited an entire year to see him again but I do nothing, knowing how upset I'd be if it was me being woken up. Time begins to slow down and lose my foothold on my own reality as my mind begins to drift towards sleep. I try to hold on as I don't know what's in store for me in my dreams. It wouldn't be so bad. But I had been tormented by beautifully drawn artwork of dreams. These illustrations depict a world with war, hunger, genocide, and greed. The only real difference is that we're together.
After a while you grow tired of being teased by your own mind depicting the thing which you most desire. Daily waking up to find out it's not real grows tiring and now that he's really here I'm just happy. Awake or asleep... Or am I dreaming. The rooms dark as the lights are out but somehow I can feel his presence telling me to relax and that it is okay.