My first attempt at writing.. Constructive criticism is welcome.
Days like these make me wish I hadn't known her. Its about four in the morning, but I didn't get a wink of sleep.
"Well shit." I muttered, pushing the sheets off my body, "No use in trying anymore."
I slide my legs out of my bed and rub my feet on the carpet. Groggily, I step out of bed and find some clothes to put on. I throw on my heavy sweater, arrange my bed so it looks tidy, and step outside my home into the frigid air, making sure I don't make a sound as to wake up my parents.
"Sigh... Fuck." I say to the cold air, watching as a whisp of my breath licks the front porch's dim light. Its damn cold, I think to myself, wrapping my arms around my chest to try and insulate myself. I start shaking a bit as I recall the reason I couldn't sleep in the first place.
It has been about three years, three wonderful years since we became friends. We knew each other inside out, like the back of our own hands. Then we started getting serious, we met each others family, we let them know we had mutual feelings for each other. I even asked your mother's permission to take things a step further. I wished I'd also asked your father, but them being divorced made it a bit difficult.
I take a deep breathe, quivering just a bit from the chill.
And then, it ended. You stopped talking to me, you wouldn't reply to my messages, hell, you wouldn't respond on Facebook. At school, you pretended I didn't exist, you made things so damn akward. We past each other in the hallway and I remember hearing you mutter "Awkwaaard" to your girlfriends.
I started shivering more, but not because of the cold.
You don't care about me anymore, I guess I wasn't enough for you. I guess you wanted what was in your (how many was it.. Three? Four?) ex-boyfriends had. Maybe you just wanted to feel insignificant, or nearly raped like what happened with your other ex-boyfriend. I wanted to treat you like you should have been treated; nurturing, caring... Loving. I
revealed to you my true colors, the shades of blue that condensed into my soul, I let you inside my most personal issues.
I can feel my eyes grow warm, teardrops forming around the corners.
And you threw it all away, you took my kindness, and threw it all away. I trusted...loved... you. You didn't even give me the opportunity to mend what we had.
My ears twitch slightly as I hear a teardrop land on the counter I'm leaning on.
What was I to you? Just some toy to be played with? These thoughts frustrate me without end, making me feel as used as a street whore.
What happened to us. We used to be the best of friends, and now, you hardly look at me anymore. We had mutual feelings for each other, don't you remember?
But do you remember what we said, about friends forever? It seemed so believable at the time, how naïve I was, am.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
You treat me now as if I'm another one of your asshole ex-boyfriends. But what did I do to deserve this?
Remember when you thought you were pregnant, how I offered to take you to the doctor? And it wasn't even my kid.
Remember when your ex-boyfriend tried to rape you? Who listened to you and comforted you? Yeah, that was me.
Remember when you would listen to what was bothering me, helped me with my depression? You helped me, and I still thank you for that.
*Krrk* A clean clawmark is left as I clasp my hands into knuckles on the wooden counter.
And now I've been discarded like a child's toy. And what did i do to deserve this? Oh that's right, you never fucking told me, you just threw me away without warning.
"What the fuck was I to you." I say to myself, silently wishing the best for you, and laughing at myself about it.
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