?Qui 12 Jan 2012 22:33:09 BRT
I entered in those dangerous waters and felt warm a...
?Qui 12 Jan 2012 22:33:09 BRT
I entered in those dangerous waters and felt warm and renewed. I began swimming naturally, enjoying the feel of lack of gravity, the refreshing water causing my diaper to expand. I felt warm yet cold, light yet heavy. I could touch the ground under my feet-paws, feeling peace as I did, but having water to the level of my neck got me somewhat uneasy. I then walked to a shallow are, water at the level of my waist. The sweet liquid against my body made me feel stable, safe and secure. I sat down, letting water reach my neck again, enjoying th soft thrill that my phobia gave me, soft because I could feel the floor, it was shallow and I wouldn't really drown, but, as said, having water to the level of my neck gave me bad memories. It was morning and I was at a natural pool, surrounded by huge walls of stone, shadow covered majority of the lake. Feeling an urge to dive in, I let my body fall back on the inconsistent mirror and I was soon enveloped in cold, translucent water. I could see the fishes swimming around, in groups, strange plants that I'd never see in surface, sounds of waves from a new perspective and I was floating, somehow losing contact with the ground. I couldn't breath, but that didn't bothered me somehow. I just enjoying floating in place and being an spectator of the underwater life, feeling peace, security and comfort. Eventually, I woke up from my sweet dream, my crib soaked with warm urine. My diaper had leaked and I wasn't surprised.
It's the second time I have these kinds of dreams, in which water was something good and relaxing, instead of stressful and scary. During that night, I walked outside to look at the starry sky of night. I sighed.
- Sleepless? - asked Henrique, the squirrel, from a branch.
- Just somewhat - I replied. - I kinda had an accident, so...
- I noticed, diaper butt - said Henrique. - You should stop holding back and go before sleeping.
- Not your business - I said, a little upset.
- Whoa, whoa, I'm sorry... - he said, then readjusted his position on the branch.
I sat on the floor, right in front of the open door, staring at the little pieces of sky that were visible through the leaves of the tree.
- I had a dream - I say.
- Bet you dreamed you were going - he joked.
- No, but it had a whole lot of water - I sighed and let my eyelids fall a little, my eyes almost closed.
- Ah, well... Tell me about it... - Henrique laid on the branch.
- I have fear of drowning - I said. - I hate, hate rivers and huge water streams... but recently I have been dreaming good things about water. In my dreams, I feel comfortable when swimming...
Henrique is an anthromorphic squirrel cub. He wears nothing but overalls, no underwear or shirt, just plain blue camouflage overalls. His fur is brown and his incisors are big as expected. He had a small amount of fur due to his age and it's color was bright, but lacking contrast. His muzzle had white fur and it extended to his chest and belly. His personality, though, doesn't match with what we expect from a squirrel: he is annoying, likes to play jokes and surprisingly hate vegetables, preferring to eat smaller animals. He laid there, thinking on what I said, trying to figure out a way to help me.
- Maybe it's because, deep inside in your mind - he started. -, you know that your fear is silly, you know that you have no reason to fear water so much and your mind is probably urging you to beat it.
- You really think so? - I asked. - Just by considering to take a dive, my mind runs crazy and I get shaky...
Indeed, that talk was already scaring me. Henrique closed his eyes and faced the leaves above.
- Your sissy - he spoke.
I frowned and sighed, looking down at my lap.
- I can't help it... - I said.
- Maybe you need some help - he said, eyes still closed, turning his face from me. - What about we go together?
- Like, now? - I asked, outraged; I would certainly get a cold.
- The beach is near, what do we have to lose?
- Health? - I asked sarcastically.
- Come on, Yure, you are such a sissy...
I sighed and closed my eyes to think.
- Okay, I'll change myself... - I answered.
I walked inside my home, went to the closet and got a new diaper. I sat on the floor, untaped my old diaper, wiped my groin clean, oiled my diaper area and belly, powdered and toyed with myself a bit. Once done, I taped the diaper up, rubbing my front a bit.
- Ready, creep? - asked Henrique, entering.
- Yes... - I got up and we walked outside.
We climbed down the tree and walked towards the beach. The sound of waves hit my ears and thinking that I was about to dive between them made me rethink.
- Hey, I'm having second thoughts about it... - I announced and stopped walking.
- I'm not that kind of cub - said Henrique.
- No, your creep - I said, y voice tone a little shaky. - I just... don't think we should just dive in.
- Yure, there's nothing to worry about! Come on, think about your dream and how good it would be to give a good hit at your fear!
- No, I'm not ready - I said.
- One step at time - assured Henrique.
I sighed and, already shaking, nodded. We reached the beach. The cold air made me sneeze.
- Are you sure? - I asked.
- Yes, Yure - he said. - What you will do is to walk inside he water and, when you start to feel too scared, stop and I'll help you to come back.
I nodded once again.
- I have nothing under the overalls, so I'm going clothed - said Henrique.
We walked towards the water, the sound of ocean waves intimidating me. My breath became faster and both fear and cold made me shake like crazy. By the time my right foot-paw touched the water, the sound of waves became too intimidating. I hid behind Henrique and my legs wouldn't obey me. Henrique helped me, holding my left hand-paw and guiding me into the water. I shook more and my legs reluctantly moved towards a wave. My ankles, my knees and soon my waist were covered by the cold water of the sea.
- Please, let's stop - I say, feeling fear taking over.
- It's okay - said Henrique. - Does it feel like your dream?
I shook my head. I was cold, I was scared, my diaper was wet and heavy and I was about to cry. Henrique shrugged and we walked out of the sea, towards my tree. I was getting calmer, but the cold I felt from waist down kept me shaking.
- I'm sorry, Yure - said Henrique.
- No, not your fault - I answered. - You just tried to help...
We climbed the tree and I opened the door. I invited Henrique to enter. The insides of the house were made of wood, it has a table, one chair, a window, a kitchen and no bathroom, nor electricity. I ignited a candle and let glued it on a little metal plate, then set it on the floor.
- Why are you so scared of water? - Henrique asked.
- Well... - I sighed. -, I have a trauma.
- My parents tied me up and threw me in a river. I could escape, but lost part of my memory due to lack of oxygen. It was terrible - I explained. - All that I remember from that day is that it was my fourth anniversary.
- You were four? - Henrique gasped. - Why were your parents so abusive?
- They used to love me, I was their only cub, I was well-taught, my parents were tolerant, they respected all my aspects and never needed to beat me or discipline me with pain... It just happened and I still try to figure out why they just rejected me that day.
Henrique looked down at his lap. I notice that he was upset for bringing it up.
- But it was fifteen years ago, I overcame that. I still feel an "itch" to know why, but it doesn't bug me much. They are dead.
I told Henrique that I was going to sleep. He left and I dried myself, before going to my crib. Next day, I woke up soaking wet. I had a nightmare about the cold water of the sea. The mood of my water-related dreams had changed from calm to stressing and my fear was renewed. Henrique wasn't there anymore and I climbed the bars of my crib. Leaving the place, I went to the door, about to go for a hunt. I touched the doorknob and had a glimpse of what happened last night. I felt my heart race and I bit my lower lip.
- Forget it... - I said to myself, calming down.
I climbed down the tree and went to hunt, but soon realized that the furry species I like to eat were all hiding. Trying to find them, I spent one hour and a half. My diaper had started to itch because I haven't changed and my stomach growled like a wild animal. I had to find another place to hunt. I left the forest and heard the sound of the sea. I froze.
- Oh, my God, please... - I was about to start praying when I pulled myself together.
I was just sensible by what happened last night and my fear was specially strong today. But there's no reason to fear; isn't like the sea is going to pull me from where I was. Scared, but somehow tempted by curiosity, I walked towards the sea. The sound of waves was uncomfortable and my heart was pounding in my chest. I could see the sea now, but it was different...
It was ten in the morning. I was still at the edge of the beach, around some trees, the sea was far from me, but it looked calm, not a lot of waves like last night, there was a shallow area that seemed inviting and the sunlight made it's translucent water glow and reflect the sky. Suddenly, fishes started to jump from underwater to the air, then back to the water. "Food!", I thought, starving. I had no other option. I started towards the now calm sea. I approached enough to let the warm water touch my foot-paws Somehow, the sea didn't seem too frightening now. I was still scared, of course, but I had to eat and the fishes were swimming in a shallow area. I squatted down, with my face close to the water. Suddenly, a little noiseless wave pass right over my feet-paws, causing me to eek and jump back twice, shaking already. "Bad water!", I screamed in my mind. I took a step back, but lost balance, falling on my padded butt. I stared at the water and the delicious fishes jumping from it and swimming calmly. I felt terribly weak just by looking at them. They do it naturally, of course, since they are aquatic creatures. But still, they are smaller and defenseless against my claws and fangs. What a shame. Yure T. Kitten, a cat-fox, way stronger and bigger than those puny creatures, condemned to starve in front of his preys because of an irrational fear of drowning, a fear that is strong enough to keep him away from shallow water. I sighed, feeling defeated without even fighting.
"Dang my parents...", I thought, hugging my legs, knees against my chest.
- Yure? - asked Henrique, approaching, holding a fishing rod.
I didn't look at him, keeping my eyes on the fishes and the calm water. I was now at a safe distance and could at least admire the undeniable sight of perfect water. Henrique sat beside me.
- Hey, what is wrong? - he asked, touching my shoulder.
I remained silent, ashamed and looking at the fishes that seemed to laugh at me. I turned away from the sea, looking at the woods and considering to look for food there once again. Henrique quickly noticed what was wrong. "He is a cat, he is a fox, he probably have pride", he thought.
- Are you hungry? - he asked.
- Yes... - I replied.
- Came here to fish?
- Stop teasing, René Descartes - I growled.
He smiled tenderly.
- I can get you some - Henrique offered.
- I don't need your mercy - I said, visibly offended, with my carnivore pride deeply hurt.
Henrique shook his head and walked towards a huge rock. He climbed it and threw the string with bait on the water. The floating synthetic bait floated.
I was still trying to swallow my anger when I noticed, aside from the sudden aspect of the wave, the warm water, now turning cold on my fur, actually felt good. I sighed and looked back at the sea. "I'll give it another try", I thought, "one step at time..." I got up.
- Henrique, can you look away for a while? - I asked.
Henrique was confused.
- Why? - he asked.
- Just look away! - I shouted.
Henrique had an idea of what I was going to do and looked away with a smirk on his face. "That perv...", he thought. I walked slowly towards the calm and warm sea. I kept a steady pace, trying to forget that I'm in control of my legs and let them move automatically. My heart pounded, but I had no reason to fear the fucking shallow water and realizing this calmed me down. My foot-paws touched the warm waves and I kept my pace until water was at my ankles. I started whimpering, but the fishes were near enough now. I tried to grab one and it, of course, fled. I walked a little further and could grab one, but it left me. My foot-paws were touching sand and I had a feeling that I would sink in it. I swallowed saliva, to calm my stomach, that felt like being hurt by my heartbeats. I sighed and could calm down, reaching a level where water was at my knees. I had to bend over, but I didn't felt ready to put my face close to it. I sighed and walked away. When I reached the sand, Henrique threw me a fish. He smiled.