18 Jan 2012

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Posted 18 Jan 2012 00:28
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High School Love

This is the very first time I've ever wrote a story, well other than in high school, so please bear with me on this and I apologize if you do not find it appealing. Anyway the characters in this story are based on me and my real life boyfriend, who wrote the second half of this story, I edited his part. If you guys like this then we will both work on more but this is basically a trial to see if yall like it or not. So please leave comments and requests, and as always check out Crownedclown13/my boyfriend's stuff. Thank you and enjoy the read.


Part 1:

It was second semester at the school I had just been transferred to and I knew no one. I didn't really care because they all seemed like your typical douche bag preps. Originally from Kentucky I have grown up in the country and always had a slight mean streak and anger problems. I never got along with preps because they found it fun to pick on a good ol' country wolf. In fact that's why I'm here. Long story short, his laughs ended when his nose and jaw broke under my fists.

Luckily I had just turned 18 about a month after that so I didn't get in to big of trouble, just transferred. Like I said I didn't know anyone here so I wasn't too worried 'bout being disturbed, other than the jocks and dumb sluts that just want to fuck the new kid. I showed up to school about an hour late due to not being used to the time difference on the east coast.

I pulled my flat black 87 SWB Chevy into the parking lot. The flowmasters growling as I pressed the clutch in. I parked next to a shitty looking red 77 Camaro that was rusted out, but had plenty of potential. In the opposite parking spot was a black jacked up 98 Dodge Ram Sport. I automatically guessed that the Camaro had a stock 350 and the Dodge a 360. I sat there and listened to my 350 rumble under the cowl induction hood then I shut it off and set the parking break.

I stepped out of the truck and closed the door, then dropped my cigarette and stepped on it to put it out. I strolled up to the entrance of the prison looking school and laughed to myself as I read the name in stoic black letters for all to see, "Johnson Wood High School." I opened the door and walked into the hall, immediately looking around and finding a bathroom sign. I went straight to the doorway so I could get that out of the way.

As I washed my hands I looked up at the mirror and looked at myself in my bright green eyes. My brown fur trimmed short and clean the recently required trim to my goatee fur though to be honest, I liked it that way. I check my teeth to make sure there is nothing in them, giving them a once over with my tongue. As I checked my teeth a bear walked in and snickered, immediately I felt embarrassed for being caught checking my teeth and angry for him laughing at me. I turned and walked into the stall area where he went and I leaned against a wall silently as he used the urinal.

"Uh-hum" I say as though I'm clearing my throat. The bear looks back and looks worried. He zips up and turns towards me.

"Um, I...I didn't mean to laugh." he said.

"Then why did you?" I ask. He looked down as though he was embarrassed to say why he snickered.

"It is something I would normally get caught doing." he admitted.

A smile stretched across my muzzle, and then his when he saw mine, or at least when he saw my glare leave. He washed his hands and looked back at me as he dried his paws. He turned and I extended my right paw and shook his.

"I'm Josiah, you can call me Josie though." I said with a smile still on my face. He smiled back and said, "I'm Nick."

Nick stood about 6' even, almost the same height as me. He had shorter fur than most bears, and it was a dark brown. He had a black nose, brown eyes that seemed to be an almost gold color. He wore glasses that worked on him, his slightly crooked smile seemed cute.

I break the odd silence that accompanies a first meeting "Do you drive?"

He chuckled. "God I wish, it would make my life so much easier than riding that stupid bus."

I smiled and asked, "Well I drove here and seeing how you're the only friend I got here right now how about I give you a ride home? If that's ok with you."

He thought for a second and finally said, "I think I'll take you up on that offer good sir." A big smile went from ear to ear on his muzzle which in turn made me smile. "well I got to get to class so find me in the hall later and we will talk some more." He added as he smiled.

"Sounds good to me pal." I stated in return, watching him go.

I headed towards the office to figure out my classes and my locker, and as a reward I got to pretend to listen as I talked to the principal and counselor for about two hours. As I left the office and got to my locker to put my things into it I heard the bell ring and the hall filled with students and whispers that I could slightly hear. Suddenly hot breath hit my ear with a loud "BOO!!!" I jumped and turned quickly to come face to face with a familiar crooked smile.

"You scared the shit out of me Nick," I say putting my right hand over my heart to better exaggerate the statement. "you're an ass bub." I laugh as I say.

He chuckles and says, "You know you're the only person that missed all the classes on their first day. Now its time to go home so, you have to lead the way to your car. Otherwise I will just be a lost little bear." he had sad eyes when he said the last part.

You are a dork Nick. Plain and simple." I laugh as I close my locker and we head out the door I came in through about two hours ago.

We got into my truck and I started her up and let'er it rumble for a little bit. I look over at him with a smile, "so are you hungry bub? I'll buy."

He rolled his eyes and said, "I will not have you buy me food Josie. That just isn't ok with me."

I simply stated in return, "well your shit out of luck because I'm getting you something whether you like it or not." I stick my tongue out at him and put the truck into first gear.


Part 2:

He wasn't your average wolf that was for sure, he had an attitude I couldn't help but find appealing. Tough on the outside, proud, confident, strong, everything I could never see myself as. Yet he still laughed and smiled, showing a very clear softy somewhere deep down inside.

I found it strange how quickly he popped up, hell usually you don't meet the new kid until later, and even then I defiantly didn't talk to new people very often. Come to think of it, he talked to me first. And now, he was offering to buy me food on the way home, not that I would allow him to in a million years. I always paid for my own stuff, no questions asked. I owed no one anything, not momentarily anyway.

"So...where are we going?" I finally asked, remembering my tendency to ignore people when the radio is on in the car, and wanting to avoid it. Lets face it, he was a cute wolf and I didn't want to seem like the weird kid that everyone avoids.

"No idea," came the reply, his slight drawl getting the majority of my focus. Eventually I processed the actual words. "but I'll find something bub, don't you worry."

"Oh right your new...umm, do you like Chinese?"

"Not exactly my first choice," he admitted, "and I'm not gunna lie, where I come from we love our barbeque and our home cooked dinners."

I couldn't help but chuckle again, the same chuckle that I couldn't control that got me in this situation, not that I'm complaining of course.

"Somethin' funny again Nick?" he asked half seriously, which made me smile even bigger and look out my window to hide my face.

"nothing at all, Tex." I replied without really thinking, which got me a friendly nudge to the ribs.

"Kentucky, born and raised pal, and don't you forget it." He emphasized with a toothy grin that made me smile back.

"That's not that far south." I argued halfheartedly, facing forward, but looking at him out of the corner of my eye.

"More south than you!" he shot back.

"How's Mexican food sound?" Quickly changing the subject. "There's a taco place up the street." I say slouching into the bench seat.

"No don't worry, make yourself comfortable." He said with a slight laugh and ruffling my hair.

Until we got to the restaurant we just made small talk, learning little things about each other, if we have pets, favorite cars, sports teams, etc etc. I don't usually warm up to people this quick, but I liked him. He was laid back, funny, and as it turned out, as stubborn as I am. In an argument neither of us budged an inch for anything unless it was a fib just to end the stupid fight and talk about something else.

We got out of the truck, something I wish I could say I had. As we made our way inside we discussed the finer points of Kentucky cuisine. He mentioned a place he ate at in Missouri which literally involved people throwing bread at you. Lambert's, he said was the name of it.

"Seriously, that sounds like a blast." I stated, placing my order right after.

"Well it's a ton of fun and so good, but no one believes me when I tell them that you have to catch your rolls or get smacked in the face by it." He replied. I looked back at him because I couldn't help but feel I was being stared at, I know there wasn't much else to look at, but his eyes seemed to snap back to reality before he placed his order.

"That will be $14.35." The kid behind the register said almost robotically. On instinct both of us reached into our pockets for our wallets.

"Hey put that away, I got this Nick." Josie said casually, obviously unaware of my inability to accept any kind of money from friends. Quickly I handed a $20 to the kid, Josie giving me a serious look as he snatched the bill from the kid's hands, who flinched from the sudden movement.

"Don't take his money." He said as he shoved my money back into my pocket and handing the kid his $20.

I quickly imitated Josie's last moves, taking his money from the kid, who was getting irritated, and shoving the $20 it back into his pocket. Unfortunately I could not retrieve my money due to a massive paw gripping my wrist. He quickly spun me around and held me to his side so I couldn't move. Then he handed the kid his money. I knew I had been defeated when I heard the register ding as the drawer opened.

He released me and I gave him a look that would be classified as a "go to hell" look. I couldn't believe he had done that with such ease and gracefulness. If id tried that I would have fallen or been over powered.

Josie was grinning ear to ear, "Does that mean I win," he tapped his chin with his finger as though in thought, "I believe it does."

"I'm definitely paying next time you cheater!" I said with a slightly raised voice.

Josie laughed, which was heart melting, "How am I a cheat?"

"You didn't...I can't...I don't know, you cheater." I re-stated, "And you're going to let me pay next time because you paid for me, its only fair."

We got our food almost immediately and made our way to a booth, "I'm gunna be completely honest with ya Nick," He said out of nowhere, catching my attention quickly, "but I probably wont let you pay then either."

"You make it sound like you can stop me." I challenged, but quickly recalling how easily he stopped me.

He rolled his eyes and laughed softly, "You realize we are arguing about dinner payments right?"

"Shut up and eat your damn burrito." I laughed as I looked into his eyes and stuck my tongue out at him.

It was weird how easy it was to have a casual conversation with him, but it felt right. Naturally he was so relaxed that it relaxed me.

"That kid at the register probably thinks we are on a date." I said with a laugh, then taking a bite out of my burrito and enjoying the flavor before almost spitting it out when he asked.

"Do you want it to be?"

Crawfordwolf 2 years ago 0
sorry if it isn't that great but it is my first story, thank god for Crownedclown to be there for editing and his part. if he didnt help there would not have been a story at all. thank you for reading tho and plz tell me if you like it and want more. :3
Crownedclown13 2 years ago 0
i like it and want more you cheater :P
Gruffy 2 years ago 0
Hehhey! First story, congrats for that! :) *applause* Let's see what I can say about it.

Well, first off, you start with a remarkable detail that I don't I've ever seen on these kind of stories. "It was second semester" . WOOT! I don't think I've seen a story where the main character isn't A) always been the loner kid but suddenly a cool jock comes and sweeps him off B) Coming in for the FIRST semester at a new school. *chuckle* So you're starting off nicely.


You suffer from the Unstable Tense Syndrome, I'm afraid. You mix the simple past and the present tense, which makes for a slightly confusing read, so you should usually stick to only one tense while writing- typically the simple past ( I did, I walked, I said, I smiled), but that's certainly at your discretion. It's a matter of style, though most commonly the simple past is the one way to go for a narrative. I liked first person, though, it's not that common, and it does offer chances for extra in-depth mindscapes. Besides the tense issue, it was mostly clean English, and when the grammar is correct, then the reader can concentrate on the plot itself.

As for the story itself, I'd call it the skeleton of a story. I think there's elements for much, much more there, which means that this very sparse narrative could be expanded into a much longer story, if you turned its small glimpses of situations into full-blown scenes. You do a lot of a dialogue, which is a great to build scenes with - you should keep on practicing that!

You've gone for the highschool story - that means that it's going to generate interest by its subject matter, to begin with, so you might want to try to avoid the most common pitfalls of that plot device, and try to work with it to make something fresh out of it. It doesn't really matter if you put in every possible cliché, because people are partially also waiting to see their favorite character types and the like. *chuckle* But you know they exist, so it's best to be careful.

Another stylistic point - there's one paragraph about cars. It's the kind of a thing that you should be careful about. It can add to character greatly to have them show off some particular area of knowledge, but if it happens all the time, and it is super-specific, it starts to sound like it's YOU showing off about something you know a great deal about, and it starts to work against itself. It was pretty fitting here, because the character was quite cocky and giving such a detailed analysis about someone's car definitely seemed to fit.

For Crownedclown - I can definitely see your more mature style at work, and I can simply say, well done, and I hope you will continue to serve as an inspiration for Crawfordwolf in writing :) *smiles*

Cheers to you, and I hope you don't mind me saying... FIRST!

Hahah...well, technically..:)

Makuta 2 years ago 0
good first chapter ^^
Tyrse Styles 2 years ago 0
Glad your boyfriend recommended this, seeing as i'm an avid follower of his. Now with this up I get to enjoy both your writing styles :) Very nice start, really enjoyed reading it and looking forward to more. 5/5
Crawfordwolf 2 years ago 0
Thank all of you for commenting, 1st off I didnt cheat jerk lol. And Gruffy thank you for your advice, it will take alot of practice for me tho. I draw, not write lol. I would love to have your help on this stuff if thatd b ok with you?
Crownedclown13 2 years ago 0
you cheated. everyone saw. and if you hit the 'reply' thing under Gruffy's name and ask him he should get a notification that you responded. this this one for you.
Pandosaurus 2 years ago 0
That was adorable in that comically, romantically, sappy way that I had not been aware was possible. It doesn't help that I was quite aware that this was either a real life scenario, or the way you and Nick really wanted to have gotten together. Either way, I liked it :)
Gritou 2 years ago 0
Nice start and good job for a first story!
You writing style is good, you make the scenes sound funny and romantic, I like it! A few back and forth on the simple past and the present tense, but it can be easily corrected, so I'm sure the next chapter will be even better! But you should develop a bit more, sure it's ok to pass on a few details but if you expand each situations a bit more the story would only benefit from it.
I don't have much to say on the story besides that I'm a sucker for highschool romance, so I'm eager to read more about you two =)

Crowned, well done and I hope you'll help him improve his writing skill!

Hope you'll have a nice day and I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Arkarian 2 years ago 0
that was great you crawford i can def say that is nick irl, i tried to give the cashier 30 cents which was the change from nicks order and he took the change and did not give it back till after he paid!!!! as for the writing it have to say it was very good.i def want more.
Crownedclown13 2 years ago 0
damn straight. i wrote that second part and he freaking changed it to suit the story ;) haha
Crawfordwolf 2 years ago 0
Hey I said id change it back and you fought me so shush baby
Tank Jaeger 2 years ago 0
This was really sweet! A couple of edits: Parking break should have been parking brake, and not momentarily should have been not monetarily. Simple spell-check errors.

I think you did a very good job! My only suggestion would be to flesh everything out a bit more. You've got some really good bones here - time to hang some meat on them! :-)
DireBlackWings 2 years ago 0
soo cute 10/5 stars