So here we go again, im posting and preping you for stuff that has to do with sadness and me hoping you like it all the same. :) respond as always please! haha and Welcome all to the new site!
Kyle stared at it with a cold contempt, his eyes glaring with near murderous intent. No single word could sum up the entirety of what he felt in that moment and those just previous. There was a deep piercing sadness, one that made him feel weak and frightened. That fear gave birth to hate, a searing rage that could not find a single outlet, it was a raging yet lasting flame that would last for a long time to come. All that didn't touch on the numbness, physical and mental, despite all that he felt he simply stopped paying attention to much else, no matter what anyone said it didn't matter. A TV personality could have made him a millionaire and it wouldn't have made him blink.
Well, save the chair, its wheels personifying his weakness, his incapacity, his future and current struggles, the worthlessness he felt, the contempt that would be aimed his way, the pity, the looks. His life now, his past one didn't matter anymore. He could no longer do anything that mattered to him.
There was no way to help his mother, no way to defend her, no way to even try and stop Scott. There were no walks in the woods, there was no feeling of grass under his feet, no snow angels, no more running bases. He couldn't get to his room unassisted, he couldn't get in bed without help or serious effort, he couldn't bathe on his own, and he couldn't even dress himself.
Nothing. He was nothing now. Everything Kyle Lane had once stood for, figuratively and literally, was no longer him. He used to be a protector, a silent sufferer, a wanderer. He was now a burden, the centre of attention, and trapped. He couldn't guard anyone from anything. He couldn't do anything without help. He couldn't even run away anymore.
"It's called paraplegia," the doctor had said like he was talking to a lost child, "The injury done to your spine from the bullet was minor, so it was isolated to your legs and not your entire body."
It was a weird way to try and make him feel better. 'Hey, it could be worse.'
"Obviously this means big changes for you Kyle." He spoke like they were friends on a first name basis, "There is the mobility aspect of course, but you were fortunate enough to only be effected from the waist down, you can still climb in and out of the chair on your own, you can still..." But Kyle was only half paying attention. He was focused on other people, many other people, all of them on a true first name basis with him.
Alice...sweet sweet Alice. Alice with the temporary lust that would be long gone now, Kyle had been pushing his luck before, but now he was definitely never going to date her again. She was nowhere to be seen, she didn't care enough to show. Quinn said she was at the station with Finn.
Finn...crazy psychotic, unbalanced Finn. The reason for all this, the one who shot him, and the bully who went too far for a girl he was bound to have again anyways. He deserved that deserter...she was sweet, but she went right for Finn as soon as the two guys had been in trouble her choice was clear.
Quinn...poor Quinn, one of the few he felt sorry for. She was somehow blaming herself; Kyle knew he couldn't let that happen. Despite what Quinn might think it was no secret to Kyle that he was important to her, Kyle didn't want this freak incident to push her back to her old ways. She hated herself then and that kind of hate was hard to fix.
His mother...Kyle didn't even want to think about it. The abandonment. She was still with Scott in his room, she probably didn't even know yet. That was the worst, Kyle literally became a paraplegic overnight and THAT didn't even tickle her motherly instincts. She was at the same hospital and she wasn't the least bit curious how he was. As many tears would attest to, Kyle was crushed; she was everything to him, and he was next to nothing to her, not even a curiosity.
Duke...The greatest friend Kyle could ever ask for. He was still there, in the room, claiming to be a brother so security didn't kick him out, his face to focused and frustrated for many people to question him. He confronted the doctor on many points, he offered little words to Kyle, and he stayed. Loyal to the end like a noble hound. He was the sole comfort in the storm, a lantern in an all-consuming darkness, the only thing outside his own head that Kyle that affected him at the moment.
Him and the chair...the light and the dark, hope and evil.
The doctor continued with some of the generalities of what he would experience, and that it was too early to tell if his condition was average or spastic, the later containing unpredicted and only slight spasms of the 'affected areas.' Kyle hated the Doctor, he said affected like he was reading a book. His legs didn't affect him anymore, they were lost. His word choice pissed Kyle off even more. Nothing he could say would make Kyle think any differently of him.
The doctor thankfully informed Kyle someone else would be in shortly and would have more information, and left. It was Duke, Kyle, and the chair. Three beings of drastically different entities. The Loyal dog, the Lost boy and the Leeching monster. One of them steel, two of them flesh, all three of them powerful in their own way.
The room was quiet now save for the heartbeat monitor's soft recognition that the shell of Kyle was still breathing. The space was small, Duke only a few feet away in a small chair looking focused and fierce, his eyes mimicking the contempt of the other flesh being, glaring at the cold metallic offence in the room. Kyle hardly noticed when Duke moved the chair closer, and hardly registered that Duke was speaking. This was such a shock, at no point in the last seventeen years of life did he have any hint that he would be paralyzed, any reason to believe he wouldn't walk to get his diploma, any legitimate moment where he thought that Finn would steal his legs from him.
"Kyle..." Duke tried again, finally getting his friend to look up, he was a mess, his eyes red form the initial storm of tears, his arms hanging unmoved over his bed sheets. He was so empty it hurt Duke, pulled at his heart and not in an anger producing way, but a sympathy making one. Kyle's depression did NOT make Duke want to kill Danny, (Danny had made that a goal himself...) no Kyle's emptiness made Duke want to hold his little buddy, squeeze him tight, tell him it was going to be alright, make him smile again, hear him laugh, kiss him... Duke fought back primal urges to just get in bed with Kyle and keep him safe from anything else. He had failed once and this had happened, he couldn't fail again, nothing more was to EVER hurt Kyle.
But still, the entirety of the situation was finally weighing in his head. Kyle could break at any moment, mentally being the worst of it, but this hospital trip truly reminded him how fragile Kyle currently was as a human. Then there was his mother, Kyle wouldn't have left her before, but how he felt now that she totally abandoned him was a mystery. It sucked because the Kyle Duke knew would look past it as a silent sufferer, he still loved his mom no matter what, that's just the kind of guy he was, so caring and loyal.
Then there was Danny and Duke's family. Danny had dug his own grave, but somewhere deep deep deeeeeep down Duke still managed to feel a bit of pity, Duke had completely abandoned him. Like it or not Duke was responsible for either fixing him up, or putting him down. Psychotic revenge schemes were making the former less and less of an option.
Duke's family was also on a time limit. By principle, a pack never stayed in one place very long; the longest he and his family was ever in one place as a wolf was a month and a half due to a big celebration and parade the next month they didn't feel like missing. And Anthony now of course had to make the little bargain. It might as well be said that his family would adopt Kyle, but now it was just up to the change. Duke wanted Kyle to know what he was getting into and he had to inform him and give him the choice soon because even Kyle was showing signs of breaking before all these incidents.
"Kyle...please look at me bud..." Duke breathed, putting a hand on top of Kyle's. The bigger boy was just happy Kyle listened, his face one on the verge of tears, but his voice one of a defeated man.
"Yes?" he asked flatly. "What do you want Duke?"
The werewolf flinched a bit; it was hard seeing his potential mate pushed so low. Kyle usually had a certain pride about him, a self-worth. Here was a way he usually spoke that said that he didn't care what people thought, his voice now whispered to flies that anything would crush him into a million pieces.
"I...uh...was just going to tell you that if you need anything, ANYTHING, I'm here okay?" Duke managed, really wanting to say so much more but not sure how Kyle's state of mind would handle it. Minutes after you discover your injury made you paraplegic probably wasn't the best time to have someone you didn't know you might be attracted to convey his love for you.
Duke's eyes widened a bit when Kyle managed a small, but present grin. It was sad, but it was trying to be happy and even got a chuckle. The entire thing would look sad and depressing to anyone, but it was a step up from total shock. "Evidently," Kyle managed, "You're the only one that stuck around Duke."
Duke swallowed, dying to keep any conversation going, "Others would be here if they could."
"Right...only my immediate family can be in here. So you're my older brother right?" Kyle asked, his eyes drifting back to the chair and the smile vanishing. "This sucks..." he added, continuing before Duke could respond, "I can't even walk with you into the woods anymore. My haven is pointless if I can't even get on the swings..."
"You can still sit on the swings..."
"I can't pump my legs."
"I'll push you."
Duke watched streams of tears fall down Kyle's rapidly saddening face; little crying heaves broke free from his throat like a tiger from its cage. Still, despite the sight Duke knew he couldn't ask Kyle to stop crying. If anyone on earth deserved to cry right now it was Kyle. Before he knew what he was doing Duke pulled Kyle into a large hug. Both of them were shocked it happened, but Duke pressed on, if he recalled it, it would just be awkward, but the stiff form in his embrace melted into it and cried loudly into his shoulder.
The racking sobs filled Dukes ears; crocodile tears covered his shoulder along with a little snot. It was something words couldn't do, even if the pen was mightier than the sword, actions spoke louder than words, Duke didn't just say he would do anything for the boy, he showed him.
"My mother doesn't even care!" Kyle burst, loud coughs breaking the flow of cries. The heart beat monitor accelerated in the background, "Ow...Damn it I can't even cry without being in pain..." Kyle added, his chest and back in agony with all the motion and hysterics.
Duke just held him closer, careful of his wounds, but not willing to let go. It was agonizing for him to hear Kyle go through all this. He wanted to do so much more but he couldn't. He was worthless again, helpless save for a single hug. He could not fix a spine with medical tools, he could only sit there and put Kyle through minute pain for a bit of comfort.
Kyle pulled Duke's form closer, it was a better feeling then he ever remembered. Duke was a solid base he could fall onto, a good friend that would never leave, necessary physical contact. Kyle loved it more then he would normally think he should, but with his world spun around there was no reason to question his feelings, but he still did. Despite his numb legs, his fight or flight sequence was mentally stuck on flight. He just wanted it all to go away, all of it but Duke.
Kyle pulled away from the hug a little; looking Duke in the eyes with his tear soaked ones. They were calm and pained and scared, concerned for Kyle, something not many people were at the moment. And it hurt Kyle more to see him that way. This was Duke, the greatest thing that ever happened to him.
"Kyle I'll do everything I can to make this okay," Duke started, "I'll do anything for you bud."
That was all Kyle could take, there was a metal switch in his head that made everything clear. The boy pulled Duke closer, and before he knew it, pressed their lips together.
Duke flinched back, eyes wide not expecting the action in the least. Not that he was complaining one bit, in moments he kissed back, not sure how far to go, but being edged further when Kyle's tongue immediately sought passage into the foreign cavern. The larger boy could only oblige, he could not deny Kyle's urges when they so coincided with his own.
But something was wrong; something itched at the back of Duke's mind as to the probability of this dream like happening. Something was just off and it was ruining his mojo, "Don't leave me." Kyle breathed between lip locks, his form hunched over and into its larger counterpart. "Ever..."
Duke had to actively try and clear his head and figure this out. Kyle being shy about a kiss was one thing...this...
No...no it couldn't be, not already! Duke panicked and grabbed Kyle by the shoulders, looking to his eyes, which was hard to do when he was closing them in preparation for a second kiss. "Kyle just look at me a moment okay?" Duke instructed, getting a pouting face, but opened eyes.
They were so passive, so gone. Duke cursed himself and tried ever so delicately to peer into Kyle's head, his mind met no resistance. Duke's own breathing increased and he backed away a moment, "What's wrong Duke?" Kyle asked with a genuinely concerned voice.
Kyle wasn't there anymore, what was left after Kyle's mental breakdown was a complacent, obedient little Omega who no longer wanted to fight. When Kyle surrendered to his sadness he'd surrendered to the pheromones.
Duke panicked and sat up, not sure how to react, not sure if he could act if he even thought of anything. No no no no no... Kyle couldn't be gone, he was a fighter, it was impossible! This had to be fixable, Kyle was always a special case, and this HAD to be fixable.
"Kyle I know what you're feeling right now okay?" Duke told him, hold the smaller boys shoulders closer, "But you have to push through it, running away is never the answer, THIS isn't the answer."
Kyle looked frustrated and angry, "I'm not running away from anything." He stated, "I'm embracing what you obviously feel too."
"You wouldn't do this if you had a clear head Kyle," Duke told him, "You know that, you can't just use the only comfort available, you have to fight for more happiness."
"How am I supposed to fight anymore without my God damn legs?!" Kyle shouted actual fighting anger in his voice, "Jesus it's like you just WANT to...to...ruin my moment!"
"Kyle it's not that believe me," Duke assured, "I want this moment to last but it's not right." Kyle seemed a bit surprised for some reason, like Duke SAYING he would lie to kiss again was a confirmation Kyle hadn't been dreaming.
"Because of everything you just lost." Duke said with a heavy heart, "I can't be your only crutch, as much as I would like to be that will strain anything we might have in the future." It hurt Duke to say it, it hurt so much. "Kyle you are a fighter okay? Don't you forget it, and you still have some fighting left to do."
Kyle started tearing up again, "I can't..."
"You can I know you can, you have been fighting all your life, just a few more and you never have to fight again okay? Never fight anyone but me anyway because let's face it I'm a bit of an ass sometimes." He admitted to himself, "And Anthony...but that's not the point, Kyle, you only have a few more fights left and they will be very different fights."
The crippled boy sat still listening, never interrupting. He was clearly stressed, clearly scared, so weak and small it was ridiculous.
"First fight, you go to school." The boy looked taken aback, like the idea never occurred to him, "The school is wheelchair accessible and only one floor so you'll be fine. You look all those people in the eyes, you tell Alice what you think, and you have an average day with Quinn."
"What about you?"
Duke sighed, "It's your fight I can't be there that day, it has to be a long day away from me okay? The second fight..."
"But I want you there." Kyle whined.
"That's the point Kyle...please understand you need to do this so you're still the same bad ass fighter Kyle I...uhh...grew to like so much." Duke said, not wanting to use the word love in fear of the obsession of Omegas, Duke needed a Beta. Duke needed the old Kyle. "Fight number two, You go home and you MAKE your parents take care of you. Your mom will be a real mother, Scott will NOT give you shit, and you bask in the glow of yourself."
Kyle noticeably flinched, looking down at his hands which balled up, "I don't want anything from her..."
"You know that's not true," Duke stated simply, moving on because really it wasn't a big deal. Kyle knew he still loved his mom, thick and thin he loved her. At least enough to care for her and if not, he would want her attention to re-kindle that love. No mother was that apart from her baby.
"What's the third fight..." Kyle asked, "You said three right?"
"I said a few, but yeah, there's only three." Duke swallowed hard, "Third fight, you get to your haven the next morning and I get you on those swings."
Kyle flinched again, looking up at his crazy friend, "No way."
"Yes, the very next morning," Kyle started making noises pretending not to hear but Duke shouted louder so he could, "You wheel over to the swings and we show you how limited you really are! You are still Kyle!" Duke was getting annoyed of the 'no no no no no' Kyle was doing and pulled the boys hands from his ears, "You're still the Kyle I fell for Damn it!" He shouted, the boy stopping and looking straight at his eyes, fear in his, seeming comfort. "You can do this..."
It was crazy, Kyle hated the very thought of all of it. IT all terrified him, but in a way it made sense. Slowly he gave into the idea, and with that a headache formed in the back of his skull. "Great, now I have a headache," he stated simply, lying back in the bed. For reasons Kyle didn't know, Duke breathed a sigh of relief and started to leave, "Where are you going?"
Duke stopped and very painfully spoke. "You need to do this alone. I told you I can't be your crutch okay?" he paused, "I'll see you when you get out..." he said with a heavy heart and shut the door. Kyle was left with only the heartbeat monitor now. Fighting back the urge to scream, he went back to staring at the metallic monster.