24 Jan 2012

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Posted 24 Jan 2012 18:59
Last edited 24 Jan 2012 19:07
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Hey, look at this funny thing from the internet!

Sorry about the bait-and-switch, but no funny things from the internet await you herein. It's just another rant journal. But see, there is a reason why I mention funny things from the internet. I seem to be completely unable to...not find them everywhere.


I don't mean I just keep discovering hilarity everywhere I surf. I'm using 'funny thing from the internet' as a catch-all term for things which are, actually, not funny at all. Things like photoshops of Justin Bieber onto aquatic mammals' bodies, irrelevant pictures (doesn't matter what they're irrelevant to; they're irrelevant to everything) captioned with 'come at me bro' and all the thousands of ways people seem to find to tell the same joke.


Now, please don't run away to Argentina with the idea that I'm bemoaning 'internet humour' in general. Sometimes, if I'm in the right mood, I actually like browsing for pics like this, and I get a good chuckle out of a few of them. Besides, people started hating silly captioned pictures back when lolcats were first invented by a British photographer in the 1870s. As such, ranting about that sort of thing is old hat.


No, what I've started to notice and be bothered by is that this sort of thing seems to be ALL I can get out of people. I seriously cannot remember a time in the last two years when I've spoken to someone, online or offline, where the conversation hasn't been interrupted by "hey, look at this funny thing from the internet", or "hey, listen to this funny thing I heard on the internet".


Seriously...tell me about an idea you had? Tell me where you want to be in five years? Talk about beer with me? Describe to me why the new band I like actually sucks balls. I'd even prefer it, Christ, Odin and Buddha help me, if you moped at me about your stupid girlfriend and how much you miss her despite her horrible laugh, orange skin and tasteless leopard-print tights that are two sizes too small. Just...stop showing me unsolicited Funny Things from the Internet. Please. 


Here's a condensed, slightly exaggerated example of conversations I've had with several people over the past few weeks:


"Me: Hey, what's up?


They: [Image link]

They: lol


Me: Heh...yeah. Browsing memebase, I see?


They: [Image link]

They: lol


Me: Oh I get it. The narwhal is of sub-optimal mental faculties. Good one. 

Me: So do you...


They: [Image link]

They: XD


Me: Whatever. I'm going down the pub so I can forget I'm alive for a few hours.

Me: [Logs off]


They: [Video link]

They: Lulz!

They: hey whered you go

They: thats rude"


And it's not just talking to people...browsing discussion groups (pointing no fingers, I'm not ragging on SF or furry boards in particular), online magazine-ish articles, videos intended to inform and entertain...if they don't actually have a Socially Awkward Penguin pic right there in the middle of them, they still carry the lingering taint of /b/. Please stop making things that smell of /b/'s taint.


Anyway, good writing form dictates that I should work my points thus far into some kind of conclusion, but I can't be arsed. Instead, here's a funny video from the internet:

Jayce M 2 years ago 0
This is exactly why smart phones are the harbingers of our doom. You get four people in a room, each with a smart phone and access to YouTube, and you might as well give up all hope.