19 Feb 2012

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Posted 19 Feb 2012 20:05
Last edited 14 Aug 2012 02:24
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Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Guardian Storm. Part 1

#1 of Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Guardian Storm

Prologue and first chapter of my PMD story, Guardian Storm. Very original title which I may or may not change at some point.
This is the start of a series I'll be writing.

All characters are the intellectual property of their individual owners.
Kaidelong is owned by Kaidelong.
Dunder is owned by Dunder.
Pokemon I think is owned by Nintendo.

Prologue - Winds of Awakening

The story always begins on a distant shore.

Koholint shivers in this memory.


Eh? What? Where the heck am I?






You are about to enter the world of Pokemon! Stop shouting! Seriously, my ears hurt.


............ Oh, oh I get it, this is probably one of those dreams caused by me staying up way too late and eating way too much chocolate. Urgh, I feel sic-- Actually wait! I don't feel like anything! What's going on?


You're entirely formless here... Well, anyway, you're about to enter the world of Pokemon! But before you can begin, I have some questions for you. Are you prepared?


Um, no. Can I get back to sleep, please? I think I was dreaming of something nice.... Something nicer than some annoying prick for sure. Hey, how come I can't see anything?


First, are you a boy, or a girl?


............. You DO realize this is the number one reason I stopped playing Pokemon, was the annoying introductions that drew out to take far too much of my time?! Back in MY day, you got slapped down into Kanto with nothing but the clothes on your back! And your rival hated you! And Professor oak didn't give you free Pokeballs and you didn't have any reusable TMs or moral issues or----


Okay fine! You want to be difficult? I can put you down as female. Or worse.


Wait what? Worse how?


You'll find out if you don't cooperate with me...


.... Okay, fine, I'm a guy. Happy now?


Great! Now we can begin the quiz.


"I'm going to ask you a bunch of questions, and I expect you to answer them immediately!"


. . . Ahem, moving on! The person you've had a crush on for a while has just confessed her feelings to you! What do you--


Woah woah WOAH hang on a sec. A crush on a GIRL?


. . . Well yes, it says "her," after all--


I do NOT like girls! I mean, as friends sure, but no crushes! Skip the question and move on to the next one.... Freaking heck, man...


. . . Okay! You see a wallet in the street! What do you--


Ignore the wallet, not worth my time. Next.


. . . Um, okay... How about this? You have five dollars for lunch. Your usual lunch costs five dollars, but there is an option for a lunch costing half as much--


You're making me hungry, where is this going?


ANYWAY, there is a kid on the other side of the lunchroom who always sits alone, and never seems to have much to eat. What do you do?


..... That's rather um... Seems too preachy a question to me.


You already skipped one, you have to answer the rest.


Fine, I'd give the kid the five and go do something else, can we get on with this now?


I don't know whether to say that's nice or not.... Okay, three more questions. You find yourself awakened in a dark place, with no one around. What is your reaction?


Get some sleep, that's what I would do.


Next question...


How about LAST question? I'm getting bored of this.


You know what, how about it just stop here, if you're so impatient?


Sounds good to me.


Your personality is... The weird one.

Your favorite color is violet.

Your favorite season is winter, but you have the most fun in spring.

You randomly decide most things you do.

You're constantly worried you're fitting into "the norm". You try your best to stay away from others as a result of this.

But secretly, you enjoy the company of others.

In fact, you crave companionship more than anything else.

You are the Pokemon Treecko!


Wait, why Treecko???


I simply couldn't think of anything better for you than that. Anyway, good luck!

Welcome to the world of Pokemon! Next in line, please....



"Eh?!? Did he really just drop me on this beach?! I don't know how to swim! And isn't Treecko supposed to have a Sassy nature? I'm nowhere near sassy!!"




Chapter One - Setting Off

Leaf and Dark follow the same path.

Down which road does this dusty path wind?


Sitting in front of the billboard at the Pelliper Post Office, the Leafeon squinted at the Rescue Tickets posted there. "Ugh, this again, every day..."


His partner, an Umbreon, giggled to himself as the Grass-Type looked over the billboard. "Well~ Considering we're the only members of Team Moonflower so far, we're going to have to take the mission...."


A sigh came from the Leafeon. "It's the only way we're making enough money to eat lately. I suppose one mission a day should suffice for now."


The Umbreon's ears slanted down a few degrees at this. There were always ways to get food aside from purchasing it at one of the vendors in Pokemon Square, but exploring dungeons just for the sake of finding something to eat was getting dangerous. Which was why the two had formed a rescue team; saving hapless other Pokemon who had gotten lost or injured in the dungeons. No one knew for sure why these dungeons were popping up in what used to be safe areas, but it was thanks to Rescue Teams like the Leafeon and Umbreon had formed that kept the residents of the countryside safe nowadays.


"Well.... If we're lucky, whoever we rescue might reward us with food.... What does the one on the bottom say, Kaide?" The Umbreon's stomach growled loudly, and he rubbed over his scarf to stifle any other objections his body might have had.


"Ah! It looks fairly easy, and---- Whoa. What's this?"


"What? What's wrong with the mission?" Umbreon's ears sloped down even further at his partner's reactions. "It's not too far away, is it?"


"No, it's right outside of town, actually... At Feathery Forest." The Leafeon's gaze momentarily wavered to the line of trees visible out of the town. It was often the first place rescue teams would begin taking Rescue Tickets. "And get this, Dunder, he's offering a thousand Poke for this!!"


Dunder's ears stood straight up at this exorbitant amount of money that was offered. "Whaaat? That much money for a Feathery Forest rescue? What floor is he on? There's got to be a catch, what does the ticket say??"


Kaidelong leaned in to read the ticket more closely. "It's from a Vulpix on the third level of Feathery Forest... 'Big trouble! Ambushed by strong monsters. Can't escape, please help!' Hmm... Strong monsters? What do you think he means by that? Wait... I think I recall rumours of a group of monsters lurking deep inside of Feathery Forest..."


Dunder tilted his head at that. "Monsters, huh? I think we're fine at handling ourselves in the Feathery Forest, don't you? After all, it may be easy for someone else to get lost in there, but with your Nature Senses, it'll keep us from wandering down too many other paths."


Kaidelong's jaws clamped over the Rescue Ticket, pulling it from the board, and he stuffed it into a side pouch. "We should get going then."


"To the Feathery Forest!~"


bloodlord 2 years ago 0
awesome mystery dungeon theme story im liking it already
ChaosElsie 2 years ago 0
Thanks! I write some more every day, so you should see more soon, if you want.
Dunder 2 years ago 1
You wanted a critique, so I'll elaborate a little. First, the prologue is really cute! Wasn't sure I'd like it, the snappy fourth wall breaking conversation between 'player' and disembodied-voice in a game fanfic has been done before but this one was amusing, I thought. Good job n.n

There isn't really much for me to comment on Chapter One since there isn't much there to go on yet. I guess the one thing I'll say is that it could use more narrative. That is, using more narrative to explain characters, motives, and situations as opposed to dialog. Like the fourth paragraph. There is something to be said for using dialog to move the story along, and it is a great technique too. But it is used more in screenplays because there isn't as much opportunities for exposition. I feel like a written story should mostly be narrative with some dialog while this is mostly dialog with a paragraph of narrative in it.

Anyway that is just a slight critique cus you asked for one <3 All and all I'll look forward to more and seeing how the story unwinds. Good job :3
ChaosElsie 2 years ago 0
Well, I'm going to be working on the series a ton, so hopefully there will be more descriptive text. Looking back on the story, I realize if I had take a look to compare the size of the 'paragraphs' (if they can be called that), then they would have been lengthier.
PermaFrost 2 years ago 1
Good, I think I shall be keeping an eye on this series. I like the humor and how you are using the actual game's mechanics on favor for this. I especially liked the Prologue act between the voice and the character.
I shall look forward the next chapter.
ChaosElsie 2 years ago 0
I have humour? People think this is funny?
I'm honoured.
Silverblade18 2 years ago 0
I Totally loled at this, especially at the End of the questioning.. It was sooo funny...^^ I look forward to reading another chapter...
Silverblade18 1 year ago 0
I eagerly await the next chapter.. I loved this one lots. ^_^