Takes place in the Conker's Bad Fur Day/Banjo Kazooie worlds with MANY different crossover. I didn't get any reviews for this so maybe this will be better received.
I am resubmitting all my stories to this site. So if you know me from fanfiction.net, my new home is here!
A note to the reader about this story before we begin; this will take place after Banjo-Tooie and Conker's Bad Fur Day. Both from the N64 era, I am a hardcore believer that Rare had better games when they were with Nintendo. Also I hope to keep everyone in character and the only reason that this is M is because of Language on the part of Conker and violence lots of it so you are warned and will not flame. There will also be a lot of alcohol content and pretty much what the game had. I don't know how I will do the parody content but if I think of something then I will use it. There will be three villains, two of them a surprise and Gruntilda. This is much darker then the Banjo game but I will have a lot of humor to make up for it. Enjoy the story and I only own the new villain that you won't recognize from the games. Everyone else is the property of Rare and Nintendo/Microsoft if you want to think that way. Also I don't know how to creatively rhyme so just focus on the dialogue of Gruntilda being normal.
Alice from Dilbert
Hermionie Granger from Harry Potter
Tails and Cream from Sonic
Latias and Chikorita from Pokemon
Spyro, Cyndar, Ember from Spyro the Dragon
Sam from Serious Sam
If there are others from either reviews or my head then I will update.
Chapter One: Gruntilda finally has her Revenge
The skeletal head of Gruntilda the Witch lay smoldering with rage at her latest defeat from the bear and bird team. Why did she always lose them? She even had the help of her sisters and though they were often idiotic, they had revived her from that rock. Oh she wished she used more powerful spells that did not have to take so long to prepare. If she was a real witch she could have done it faster and then she would have had her revenge.
"Now I am a freaking head and I can't move much. Oh how I wish I had a body again a powerful body that will crush them to bits. It's that blasted team thing that keeps getting me into trouble. I tried kidnapping Kazooie but again the blasted bear came to the past and rescued her." When she finished that last thought she again looked back. It was always the Bear who had the best moves and always he who organized everything.
Kazooie would be lost without the bear so maybe she could somehow get them away for longer then a few minutes. "I need some help first. I can't do much as a head except stomp on them. But I am not in the mood today. If only I had a body." "Maybe I can be of assistance?" She jumped in the air in shock when she heard the low grunting noise. "Klungo you came back to me!" She heard a low hiss that could only be laughter from the mysterious presence. "No witch, I am much more then that buffoon you call an assistant."
With that there was a heavy pounding that caused Gruntilda's head to wobble. She tilted herself up and she gulped at the giant in front of her. He was huge. About 10 feet tall and looked strong enough to crush her into dust if he wanted to. He had sharp pointy horns on his head, sharper then even the sharpest knife. His eyes were a bright red that pierced her very soul.
He grinned nastily at her and she suddenly wondered if she in fact wanted help from him. She had never been scared not even when she lost to the team of bear and bird. But now she wanted to run and hide. She didn't though because she was a head and nothing more. Heads couldn't run fast enough even on their good days and this defiantly wasn't a good day.
"Here let me help you witch. You look a bit bare." She felt a strange tingling sensation that alarmed her and then she started to grow. Hands began to form in the air where no hands were before. She stared at this feat in amazement. Her hands were green! When she was alive and beautiful! What kind of magic was this to awaken from the dead? She stared up at the mysterious visitor in shock and awe. "You cured me! How is that possible? Once you are dead you can't come back. I was a skeleton and you gave me skin. What did you do to me?"
The visitor laughed a loud hiss that scared the crap out of her. She was then glad that she was not on the bad side of this mysterious presence that healed her bony structure. "I can do anything because my magic is dream magic a rare kind of magic usually found in dreams that allows you to bend reality. I also have the power to invade dreams and take what I want. Dream Magic can allow you to do anything. The only downside is I have to see what I am looking at in order to use it. That was how I healed you witch. I bent what was and turned into reality."
She couldn't believe it. It sounded like something out of a fairy tale something that couldn't possibly exist even to someone like her. "Okay so let's assume that you are telling the truth, how do you propose that I get my revenge? I want that bear and bird gone from my life. They are more powerful together. How do you take away what's powerful if they are equal?"
Again the giant laughed and a chill again passed through Grunty's new found body. This giant had the power to make anyone nervous just by laughing. That was some kind of power that she needed to use. She couldn't see any way to steal it so she settled on the next best thing, how to get this monstrosity on her side.
"I like your potential witch, I say I help you kidnap the bear that you hate so much and then I can make him ours." Grunty blinked. He had said what was on her mind just like he had read it. That was another power that she wished that she had. "So we kidnap the bear? How do we make it so that he can keep Kazooie away?"
"I can brainwash him but not your helmet on the head controlling everything. No, what I have in mind is to turn his mind so that he believes that Kazooie is his enemy and that we are his friends. We erase all trace of Kazooie and the others from his mind."
She liked it. It was cheating slightly to have to brainwash him but she was bad to the bone and that was what bad people did. They cheated and took what they wanted. She would finally have her revenge after all these months of waiting. She grinned and held out a newly made hand and waited. Finally the giant leaned down to her level. It was slightly creepy to have him so close to her but for the time being he was on her side and that was all that mattered to her.
"Witch Grunty, you have yourself a deal. My name in your tongue means death to the speaker and I don't want you dead so just call me Dark. It means about the same thing." They shook hands sealing the deal. She laughed at the victory that was guaranteed to bring her revenge.
Banjo and Kazooie were sitting down at his newly remade table in his newly remade house that had taken so long to fix; they were about to have dinner just the two of them. "Now that Grunty is finally out of the picture Kazooie, there has been a lot more peace and we finally have the freedom to spend some badly needed time together. If you promise not to cheat this time, how about we play some cards or if not that play video games."
Kazooie sighed in a fashion that meant that something was on her mind. It had been too easy to best Grunty and as they were kicking her head back in forth in a game of victory, her parting words made her stop and think if Grunty was actually down for the count. She needed to make Banjo understand that all was not well in her mind.
She acted tough to the outside world but she would always be nicer around Banjo when they alone. "It has been too quiet and maybe this is a part of Grunt Butt's plan; to lull us into sense of false security." She was going to say more but Banjo laughed and waved a dismissive hand. "You worry too much Kazooie. This isn't like you. Grunty is a head and as long as no other surprises happen then it will stay that way."
There was no point in arguing with someone who couldn't see things the way she could. She was about to dig into the fish that Banjo had caught when a huge boom shook the table. Kazooie felt her heart flutter violently. That was no ordinary sound. Nothing that she knew made that kind of noise. What was happening? Banjo was the first one out of his seat and he ran over to the window and what he saw caused him to stumble backwards in shock.
"Kazooie, I think you need to see this. I think that we may be in big trouble here!" Kazooie flew a short ways to the window and looked outside with Banjo. A foot was standing outside but not just any foot a huge foot that towered over everything. It was 10 feet tall and the biggest thing that she ever saw. Her heart fluttered just a bit faster then what it usually did. The smart thing would be to get out of the way before the giant got the idea to crush the house that they were in. "Banjo, we need to get the heck out of dodge...." She was interrupted by a voice that she thought that she would never hear again. She had hoped that it would stay away. "I have come for you Banjo. You won't escape from me again. I tried taking your sister and that didn't work. I even tried taking the pathetic bird but that too failed. Now I will try taking you." Grunty's voice was shouting louder then it had ever been.
Her voice was projected it seemed by magic, but Kazooie had never known Grunty to be that powerful. A figure jumped from the shoulders of what she now recognized as the figure belonging to the foot. A figure that had a body when the last time she seen the old hag as a head. Where had Grunty found the magic to get her a body?
They were in big trouble and they needed to move. But Kazooie found that her legs were frozen in place and not just in fear. She couldn't move at all. Something was preventing her to rush to Banjo's side and getting him out of the way.
(Song cue, final battle from Banjo-Tooie plays during this scene)
She tried to speak but that too was gone. She was fortunately looking in Banjo's direction and he too seemed to be immobilized. Was this Grunty's doing? Did she somehow learn the ability bind others like Kazooie was right now?
Kazooie was helpless as the witch that they thought was gone calmly strode up to Banjo. She then looked at Kazooie and a light was in her eye that wasn't there the last time they had met. She looked like she knew something that they didn't. She raised her hands and a spell began to form out of nothing. At first Kazooie thought that Grunty was going to do what she did to Bottles at the start of their adventure, but instead Banjo began to glow and before Kazooie's eyes began to fade.
Kazooie was forced to watch helpless as banjo slowly disappeared. Sensing Kazooie's turmoil Grunty turned to Kazooie as the last traces of Banjo vanished. "Don't worry Bird I didn't take him to the past or kill him. He is at my old lair or will soon be and as for you my fine feathered friend will be far away from here and not get in the way Goodbye forever Kazooie!" The witch known as Gruntilda who had caused so much trouble for the world raised her hands and light filled the room blinding Kazooie. "Yes with Dream Magic on my side I will finally destroy the Banjo-Kazooie team and erase you forever. You are lucky Feather-Brain. It takes awhile to actually do so consider you warned. If I catch you here then you are history."
Light soon made its way to Kazooie and she felt light as a feather. All her weight was vanishing as slowly she faded from view. The last thing she saw was Gruntilda laughing and then a shadow appeared and she realized that it was the giant that she and Banjo saw before all this madness began. Then she was gone and the world she knew vanished.
(End battle music)
Light swirled around her and she felt herself spinning in vast nothingness and she wondered if perhaps Gruntilda lied about where she was going. She wondered what they would do with him. She defiantly considered the giant that she had seen, the source of all Grunty's power. There was no way that she could master that kind of power.
After awhile she never thought at all and before she vanished completely she wondered again where she was going. Then silence.
She was dreaming of when she first met Banjo and it was such a wonderful dream. Banjo leaned over her and gently shook her. "Kazooie you have to wake up. Please don't be dead miss." That last part sounded weird coming from Banjo. Didn't he know her name? A nudge and Kazooie's eyes flutter open. The first thing she notices is that she is defiantly somewhere new. She looks around herself as she lies there in a heap to better know her surroundings. Darkness when she could of sworn that it was day outside. A squirrel was next to her a drink in his hand. Her beak sniffed that it was alcohol and not something that she was fond of.
She sat up and the squirrel looked relieved if a little drunk. "Oh thank the fucking gods that you are alright. I definitely don't want another death on my hands. After that fricken mafia boss shot poor Berry. She died in my hands you know. Her blood literally on my hands I hoped that you were perhaps sleeping." He was rambling and she thought that he knew it. After all when someone you know dies then you are allowed to ramble.
"Where am I and who are you and my head it hurts so badly?" The squirrel looked confused at the mention of where she was but other then that didn't speak right away. Now that she got a good look at him, he was wearing a crown that fit loosely on his head making it look crooked. Somehow it didn't fall off. "My name is Conker the squirrel and as for where you are, you are outside the Cock and Plucker bar. I had a hell of a day, I lost my girlfriend but that isn't important right now. Come with me and I will get you cleaned up. You are pretty filthy but after swimming in shit and fighting a poo monster I pretty much don't care."
With that Conker helped Kazooie up and together they went into the bar and thus started Kazooie's adventure.
(Back at Gruntilda's Lair)
Banjo found himself dropped hard on stone tile. Stone tile he thought where did that come from? He looked around and he realized that he was on a table of some sort. Before he could move a chain lock appeared out of nowhere and bound him to place. Then another and another and soon banjo held no hope of getting free. He tried anyway for something to do. He didn't have long to wait when he failed that as a huge 10 foot tall giant materialized out of nowhere. He held up a strange ray gun at Banjo and laughed. "Gaze into my eyes and soon all thought of Kazooie and your friends will be gone. We are your friends now." Banjo couldn't look away and as he stared he thought of Kazooie one last time. Hoping that she will be alright then he fainted.
That is the end of this long first chapter depending on how many reviews I get I will continue. Please review and tell me what you think.